


Unlikely, Impossible, Improbable

by RisaZugva



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, POV Kirk, POV McCoy, POV Spock
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 21:25:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 19,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8118109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RisaZugva/pseuds/RisaZugva
Summary: James T. Kirk has become a captain of Enterprise, with it he got a first officer he didn't expect but didn't mind at all. His sense for humor will get him to push his first officer's borders.Spock have been among humans for awhile now, but never met anyone as interested in him as his new Captain Kirk. He doesn't mind the attention, at contrary, but he contains his human emotions in check as much as he can.Leonard McCoy is all but irritated with his new mission, with thin walls of Enterprise, with his best friend Jim, but most of all he's irritated by that damn green-blooded alien who doesn't even realize how big of a havoc his coldness will be when his friend burns down in flames.Kirk/Spock in original series. It starts with a kiss, and maybe few jokes. Don't know where it leads or for how long. For now just pieces in between.





	1. Burnt Skin

"Jim, are you ready for boarding?"

"I'm never ready but I charge anyway" Captain said and rushed forward.

Spock smiled his invisible smile and followed him to the transporter room. He was fond of his captain, especially in these kinds of situations when his human compassion would overcome his caution. Caution was usually Spock's policy, but Jim often made him forget it, his human enthusiasm was contagious, but Spock would never admit that; like he wouldn't admit any emotions. More than any Vulcan he would deny himself luxury of emotions. He trained himself to be true Vulcan to make his father proud but he often forgot about his mother in the process. It was easy really because she made her human self invisible to adjust to life on alien planet, to minimize her influence on her husband's affairs. Spock joined Star Fleet to explore human aspects of nature, he thought it will help him cultivate his human side, but he found himself more and more drawn to adventures and laughter, especially to his Captain, but that was harmless distraction, for science sake he indulged that almost feeling just to see where it goes.

It would take allot of time for him to admit that his curiousness would lead him far away from secure shelter that was Vulcan logic; even when he would be force to acknowledge presence of unconquerable feeling within him, he will not acknowledge that it can't be controlled or that he acts according to it. And that denial, not the feeling itself, was the thing that revealed his human heritage, but Spock was too humanly stubborn to admit that. It will take years for him to surrender to unchangeable fact of human side within himself. But for now he followed his Captain into the danger of a burning ship to recover survivors.

Only after they returned to the ship Spock realized that his Captain was hurt. His hand was injured. Spock immediately knew when that occurred, he saw the Captain grab hold of that conduct when they stumbled under another explosion in the engine room. At the moment Captain show no reaction, he just kept walking, grabbing, and pushing people towards transporters Mr. Scott kept working. It was the safest way out, escape pods were jammed, and shuttles dismayed.

Now, when everything started to whine down in usual rush of repairs and patching wounds Spock and the Captain stood in midst of groaning and crying people with different states of burns. Doctor McCoy and his staff had full hands of injuries, and saving dying from drifting. After they beamed back to Enterprise, there weren't anyone left to save on Savage, they stood stranded on transporter pads. They beamed casualties in such speed that there wasn't single spot to stand, let alone cross to the door.

It showed amount of fatigue in the Captain that he didn't even cross a step to crunch beside first injured. That's when Spock noticed Captain's hand. Only because he witnessed the moment, he knew that the burn on the side of his palm is just a small part of the injury. Captain held himself tall, hiding pain, and to avoid attention he closed his fist. Spock understood the gesture; he wouldn't want to waste medics' time and risk someone dying because he took two minutes for McCoy to mend his hand.

Spock's eyes stayed fixed to exposed burnt skin as he considered his options. It took him almost twenty seconds to decide, which is in Vulcan thinking eternity. Finally he compelled under situation and showed his knowledge of the injury knowing it would lead to something uncomfortable for him, but his Captain was in pain. That's why he gestured towards Captain's arm.

"It's nothing" he urged in hush tone.

"Then it's logical to let me observe It" answered Spock with his eyebrow lifted in challenge. Captain looked at the room locating McCoy on the far end. Then he turned towards Spock and opened his hand shielding it from view.

It was far worse than Spock has anticipated; he had inclination to underestimate Captains will to withstand pain. His palm was covered with blisters. Spock instinctively reached for injured hand but he stopped himself an inch away. Strangely Captain didn't flinch in wait of pain. It always amazed Spock to which extends Captain trusted him.

"If I may?" he inquired keeping his voice steady.

"I won't mind help, if that's what you're asking" said the Captain in a strained voice and that made Spock forget his hesitation. He moved himself to shield their hands from sight. Then he moved his hand hover over Captain's palm, only fraction away from touching, but he didn't feel any connection. Pain was to severe so he moved his hand to align with Captains so he could press tip of his index and middle finger to Captains fingers that were uninjured. As their fingers touched connection was made and Spock had to brace himself not to sigh audible. Captain let go of breath he was holding and Spock felt how his posture loosen up. Soon he felt how Captain leaned in pressing part of his weight against Spock's shoulder. He didn't waver to show he's noticed it. They stood there for awhile and Spock discovered he lost track of time. He felt Jim's pain in his palm, he wasn't disturbed by it, but he was disturbed by a sensation on tip of his fingers, he wouldn't call it a feeling, it wasn't unpleasant sensation and it went past the pain and up his arm like something is crawling into his consciousness, but he ignored it knowing his friend needs him. They were startled by McCoy's voice.

"You two, don't you have any decent work to do than to conspire up there."

Their hands broke apart from first sound that he made. Captain took a moment to compose himself and stand up straight. He turned slowly with his hand stretched upwards in same position.

"Bones, did you mend most of them?" he said with a strained smile. Spock looked around and found that most of the room was vaccinated, only the ones lying down were still there. Lights were dimmed.

"Damn you Jim" McCoy's voice went to worry "you should have said something" he pointed his tricoder mending damaged skin. "Damn you green blooded cold hearted alien isn't your job to report him when he's being stubborn?"

"There were more pressing emergencies" said Spock flatly and Captain smiled with fatigue.

"What are our losses?" he cut doctors reply.

"It could have been worse" doctor flinched his face turning towards the room that smelled heavily on burnt skin and flesh. "Damn spaceships without emergency exits" he shrugged.

"There was a transporter, one exit wasn't jammed" said Captain squeezing doctors shoulder with his healthy arm, offering reassurance even in moment like this.

Spock watched as Captain's skin repaired itself. When it was done he composed himself back in his usual posture of professionalism.

"Anything I should do now Captain" he spoke evenly and in return Captain lifted his gaze and smile like he said something pleasing. That always baffled Spock, source of Captain's approval.

"I think we should change first, don't see the need to extend this stench to the bridge."

Spock looked at his attire and again was surprised how his nose adjusted to the smell, maybe it reminded him on hot desert air, but surely it wasn't pleasant smell.

"Indeed" answered Spock and without procrastination went to his quarters. Captain has left behind with the doctor. As he walked Spock reassigned his inner workings to remove remaining traces of discomfort, and of that other sensation, to make himself most efficient and logically arranged.


	2. Rolling out of Bed

Kirk watched his first officer go and he noticed that he held his hand behind his back, not in usual loose fist, but open, like it was injured. He knew Spock had done something quite tangible to relive his pain, but he hopped he hasn't made harm to himself in the process. It was always hard to tell with those invisible things Spock did for him. Like mind melting in dangerous situations, Kirk hated to ask that because he knew it brought pain to his friend, but there were moments where there just weren't any other way. This seemed like one of those situations. Kirk was unable to think straight from pain, so he just took help that was offered. As soon as their fingers touched it was like pain was lifted from him and was replaced by some pleasant presence, something that warmed up his arm, or it cooled it down? Bones was talking so he turned his attention to him.

"I can't ever tell what the hell do you see in our friend there" he murmured his mantra not hoping he would be heard.

"There's more to him than it meets the eye" Kirk said mildly and Bones looked up in surprised.

"So your hearing isn't compromised then" he said with a smirk "then you heard that you should rest for the rest of the shift, go to sleep, let logical creatures do your chores."

"Maybe I will Bones" Captain said with a yawn it seemed like all determination had left him now that his pain was gone.

Bones lifted his eyebrows in surprise.

"What the hell, let me examine you, you must have internal bleeding when you're agreeing to rest" he lifted his tricoder but Kirk stopped him.

"I'm fine; there isn't much to do then to transport these people to nearest star base for real treatment and rest. I have to be to my best if new trouble decides to pop up."

"Don't think you'll avoid exam this way" Bones ranted on "first thing in the morning, maybe you inhaled too much of that smoke there and forgot you're desire to exhaust yourself."

"In the morning" Kirk agreed and earned shocked expression on doctor's face. He laughed at that sight and clapped his hand on his shoulder. "Don't think about it too much, tomorrow I'll avoid that appointment due some important tasks and everything will be normal."

"Promises" grunted Bones and turned to his patients "things are never normal around here, only normal thing is constant threat of dying."

Kirk left Bones to do his job and went to his quarters. There he commed Spock and assigned him command for the evening. He sounded normal over the speaker so Kirk calmly proceeded with showering and sleeping. It was already half of the night when Kirk suddenly rolled off his bead and landed on his feet. It was the way he woke up when he was in danger, on strange place, or just after facing death. This time wasn't anything like that; it was realization that came to him in his sleep. How didn't he remember it sooner? He laughed softly in the darkness of his quarters. Vulcan ways and differences to Humanity were always clouded and vague, but Kirk liked to be informed, especially when he had to work so closely with one stubborn Vulcan. He wanted to avoid any misunderstandings or wrong signals so he learned as much as he could about their body language and gestures. What bothered him was the fact that Vulcans never, ever shake hands. It was a simple, human gesture that reassured humans in friendship and good attentions, so why not bend to such small claim of friendship, trust. It had to be something that would deeply disturb them to keep their hands to themselves even if they risk being seen as hostile.

When Kirk discovered what touching hands means for a Vulcan he was surprised, but didn't think much of it, because he couldn't imagine that such touch could invoke deep feelings. He just assigned it to their lack of emotions, a way to keep themselves from feeling too deeply. He didn't imagine it could actually invoke a real feeling, connection, like real human kiss would. Now he knew differently because that damn allegedly coldhearted alien of his friend just kissed his pain away. He laughed lightly again at pure absurdity of it all. Strangest thing was that it worked; his pain was lifted away like mothers would always promise their children it would. Even more than that, after his pain was gone, on tip of his fingers lingered on the sweetest feeling he ever came across, it was like someone dipped his fingers in chocolate and honey. Kirk wondered now what would that Vulcan kiss feel like if there weren't any pain in between. Of course he didn't imagine that he would ever find out, like he wouldn't comment on it to his friend who kissed his pain away about it, but he wondered anyway. He was a curious man after all; everyone knew that, so it was ok just to wonder about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, we have first kiss in place, so everything after will come as a bonus.


	3. The Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk's musings and justifications :)

For Kirk it started like a joke really; nothing serious at all. His First Officer Vulcan was such a good material for teasing, and in his vast intelligence he would believe such puns you wouldn't believe, all you had to do is to keep a straight face and he would be unable to tell between truth and a joke. Like that time he tried to find "ichy kuchy butchy bu", or something quite like it in linguistic banks, and was very surprised to find nothing. It was hilarious. Not that he meant anything malign with his jokes, but time on the ship passed slowly and good laugh could keep him through exhaustingly boring mapping of newest nebula without life forms. But truth to be told Spock turned out to be quite of a player in the games of puns, he was far from simple toy and that made it immensely more fun.

It was even better to watch from aside as Spock, in his straight Vulcan way would just say things to annoy and never miss a beat. He, himself was more than once stunned when he would feel sting of defeat. In time their game became strategic platform, like large play of chess in which actual chess served like board in which they casually kept their score. At least Kirk was convinced Spock has the score in his Vulcan mind, and he would ask if he believed Spock would tell him the real number rather than faint innocence.

It was an innocent game in the beginning while Kirk still believed his First Officer was in fact innocent and sexless creature, even more emotionless. Emotions were first to be exposed, but Kirk would never discus that. Except he would risk for his Vulcan to withdrew from their game, he knew emotions were something Spock detested and tried to banish. It would just be bad manners to point his failure out. Of course he teased him about it constantly, but it was just put down by invincible eyebrow or two. Kirk simple adored when he did that.

Later on Kirk discovered rather animal and primal sexual side of his friend, and he almost died from that discovery. He would still rub his neck when he would think about it. Still it didn't turn Kirk down, on contrary Spock's sexuality became something of personal interest of the Captain. But he was still unwilling to admit to which content. For now he told himself it was just curiosity, nothing more. He knew Bones would tell him it was bull, but Bones liked to do that.

Innocence, Kirk suspected afterwards, was just a convenient cover for him to avoid discussing such matters. Kirk liked to challenge even that, like that time he put him on the spot to explain sex to young ensign. He would crack every time he would think of that.

That left Kirk with acknowledgment that his First Officer didn't just play a game of puns and retorts with him, and consequently with Bones, but more so that he knowingly matched his every move in that other field. One Bones never entered with him, or Spock. Bones was a women's man that much was clear. It matched his old fashion nature. Spock on the other side was hard to read, it took long for Kirk, after he determined that there is a sex drive, to confirm that men would be more acceptable than woman. Kirk himself was a player that liked all colors and shapes, gender or species weren't issue for him. Issue for him was that nobody would hold his attention for sufficient time to develop something greater than passing gratifying experience; nobody, that is, except his First Officer Commander Spock but Kirk didn't give much attention to that for a long time. He assigned it to their constant companionship on Enterprise, ease with which he could talk to Spock, and his quiet attentive nature.

There was no need to dwell upon it, because Spock was always there, and everything Kirk needed he would get. Well except gratifying encounters in bed, which he would get on occasion from passing females. He was the one to admire females features, but as time passed he found himself more and more distracted from a task of luring women to his side. Spot was already taken, but he didn't think of it much. As he said once to a passing alien and ancient human, if he get what he needed from that relationship what is the wrong with that.

After kiss-pain-away incident Kirk had one more piece of information about his Vulcan, one more level of puns he could conduct without detection. It was early in their curious and long relationship that was strained with puns and later on real disappointments, but Kirk knew enough to make that piece of information in motion. It was early enough to do it without second though, without burden that it could cost him something.

He discovered that Spock was able to overcome some of his inhibition when he would think his help is needed. Spock just couldn't turn away from helping. Maybe because of that Kirk started later on connect need to help with love, but that kind of subtle changes in his world view were still hidden from his sight. He wasn't in pursuit of something serious; he was just having some fun making ship life more agreeable. Simple kink in the back was the start. He just have to show he's in pain, throw in a bait for the ego, which Spock had in great supplies, that Bones had clumsy fingers and couldn't do anything if you're dying from spine distortion. Very soon skilled, warm, and exceptionally strong hands were on his back, correcting his muscles.

It was a pleasant victory because he would get a massage, victory, and undetected inspection of sensation Spock's fingers would send out to his back. Frustrating enough clothes would always get in the way of precise detection, but surely there was something there, something tangible and quite enjoyable. Down side was that he really had to be in pain, because he knew Spock would know if he tried to lie. Second thing he learned that it would never happen in public, so Bones would never witness such aid from logical machine. He tried once, on the bridge. Result was more than disappointing. It was frustrating, and even worse, Spock got to give him one of his disdain looks; like it was such a foolish attempt. Kirk knew otherwise, he knew that there was a chance for his hand just to reach out and do its familiar thing, just if that ensign wasn't there, but he would be fool to try again. That line of action was closed down by poor judgment in position of his men on the bridge. Or rather women, women were so easy to make do things for you, there were no need for complex strategic measures and planning ahead. That kind of thoughts would bring Kirk back in pursuit for something easier, but soon he would be back exchanging smiles with his First, because he was immensely fun to talk to, especially when he could just tease the hell out of him.

Besides, Kirk would conclude his mussing whenever he would try to straighten up his behavior, it was most unlikely for Spock to really act on their banter, or that he would ever submit to admit his deviations from perfect Vulcan. That was his safety wall between them, it enabled Kirk to act incredulously enchanted and amused, to show his every tickle Vulcan provoked in him. He sometimes allowed himself thought that Spock is perfect training ground. Things that made his Vulcan smile almost invisibly would make women just to fall over him. And that safety wall also enabled that other side to show, it gave him ability to be mad at his Officer as hell, to just pout until something happens to lighten him up. He would never allow himself to act so childishly with anyone else. Even to Bones he would apologize in matters of minutes. His frustration with Spock could sometimes last for days. It wasn't sign of maturity but Spock's attempts to cross the distance in those moments would give him hidden sense of satisfaction which would in the end make him loosen up and get back to the game.


	4. Punch in the Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is some McCoy beauty.

Leonard McCoy knew from the very first moment what was going on, and he hated that pointy ears Vulcan on the spot, just like Jim liked him in an instant. The infatuation took place in matter of seconds and all Leonard could do is stand by and watch helplessly. He hated his friend sometimes, but he resented him that cold calculating alien most of all. Now he wasn't prejudice man, he didn't have anything against extraterrestrial species, he loved to study them and to meet new forms of life; it was his passion. Nor it was different types of love, he was a doctor after all, he had seen it all. It was Spock personally that bothered him, precisely Spock in relation to Kirk.

Leonard knew Jim for years now and he considered him a good friend, one of rare one that could appreciate his grumpy approach to life. Leonard returned that with his aggressive care, and setting him straight. He set him straight more than once, that boy wouldn't get far if he hadn't had McCoy to pull him out, sometimes with some needles and false disease, but here they were boarding their new space ship with Jim as Captain. No one was more surprised than Leonard McCoy when that happened, but obviously some of his previous adventures didn't get across higher structures of Star Fleet, or they considered it a bonus to a space Captain that was responsible for hundreds of people, and with commands to go into something unknown. Unknown was always Jim's favorite adventure.

Leonard thought that unknown was the key factor in Spock's case, but that was so severe case of fascination that even Leonard McCoy couldn't find a cure for it. So he kept quiet most of the time pretending he doesn't know. It was the easiest of medicines, when your patient is beyond your help you just keep your reassuring smile on. But it was a hard to smile sometimes when he just wanted to punch that green blooded cold bastard. He tried to find something tolerable on him, and he would succeed sometimes, but most of the times he just argued with the damn man trying to get him to understand that he is not the most perfect of all beings.

The fact that Leonard understood on the spot, and that Jim failed to see, or saw it like a challenge, was that it was impossible to get Spock to feel anything. In interest of his friend Leonard tried to provoke that damn immovable face to respond, make him wrong, but most of the time nothing happened. Impossible missions seemed to be Jim's favorites, and Leonard submitted his defeat to that, if it wasn't Spock it would have been something more deadly. Unfortunately those two things, Spock and deadly didn't exclude each other. More than once on this mission good old country doctor wished he had listened to his all impulses and stay behind grounded, but when Jim asked for him specifically he couldn't really refuse. It would be treacherous to leave your friend to drag along vast universe on his own, and being the Captain he needed someone he didn't had full authority on. Someone to keep him sane and that's what Leonard did, he kept him sane, but he wasn't sure he had stayed sane throughout whole journey. It started to seem to him that some emotions are getting through that cold exterior of their First Officer and in those moments he could almost like the guy, but it would always be shattered on next occasion. He would swore it was trick of light and shadow, but in time those moments would pile up and what started to frustrate Leonard was denial that they exist. Why did he have to be so stubborn? They all could have much easier time if he was what he claimed to be, honest.

No one was more surprised when that impossible objective became more and more reachable, but it was even more frustrating to see that game of catch and fail between those two. Those two could drive man to drink, if McCoy was weaker character and drinking habit wasn't his own choice.

That's why he hated Spock, but he was like that, he hated people easily, they made problems for him to solve, but he couldn't deny that little green pointy ear computer has affected him. It was proximity problem, he was always at Jim's other side, it was impossible to even speak to Jim without him sometimes. He began to tolerate the man, he did keep Jim safe most of the time, and sometimes it seemed like he do cares in his strange way. That seemed to be enough of the company for Jim, two of them, and McCoy considered his mission on this ship successful one. Still, the urge to punch Spock in the face never really left him. It was impossible to change that fact even after he realized he had genuinely liked the guy behind that irritating face.


	5. The Bond Mate

It was about odds, or like he thought about it, possibilities. For Spock universe wasn't made of constants, of facts, or even of matter, it was sustained by moving field of possibilities. It was because of his Vulcan heritage, but he couldn't really relate how humans saw things, even if he was forced to admit that he is half human, but he would never say it like that, he would always say he is half Vulcan. Humans, and he always referred them as they because he didn't feel like a part of that designation, liked to saw the world like yes and no, like win and lose, like do this but don't do that. Vulcans had a way of determining what to do and what don't, but it was always based on probabilities, not beliefs, and certainly not feelings. Humans liked to do both.

That's why for Spock there wasn't anything that was impossible, or that could never happen. Everything had conditions in which it could come to be. That's why he calculated possibilities with precision and care. If he couldn't accurately account for one or more variables his answer would be unknown until he got enough data to calculate. His Vulcan training gave him proper tools to calculate with precision. He was very proud of that, if he would let himself to feel pride, it was a feeling, and he wouldn't let himself indulge these kinds of things.

Not only because he was half human child on Vulcan that had harder time in cultivation his emotions then his peers, but also because he had a brother long time go. Sybok, who was whole Vulcan and prince beside that, disgraced their father by sub coming to emotions. He expected of Spock to follow him as he was part human, but Spock could never follow that path. He valued too much Vulcan ways to see anything prosperous in his attempts. Even Spock, who had cultivated his emotions with a price and became part of Vulcan no matter how marginal, couldn't understand his attempts to restore Vulcan's deep and uncontrollable emotions. After Sybok was gone, expelled from Vulcan mind, their father Sarek become even more distant and enigmatic figure to Spock. His refusal to see a Vulcan in Spock provoked certain dose of uneasiness that he was never truly able to overcome. His mother tried to explain him to Spock in her human way, but that was even harder for Spock to accept because he hadn't really understood humanity even when it came from inside of him, even less when it came from outside, burdened with all expressed emotions.

Because of his childhood that was clouded by difference other children could always see in him, it took only one look for them to know he is different, that he can be provoked like other children even in their young time could not. Their Vulcan curiosity made them to test him, to prove over and over imperfection of his self-control and presence of emotions. That proved useful in later years because he learned to govern those emotions that couldn't be fully repressed, and he learned what to look when he meditated to purify his mind. For that he appreciated those test. And for those reasons it was more important to him to keep his human side in control. The fear of destructive power of emotions ran deep in Vulcan culture, because of their strength and their mental powers they could do so much more damage than humans ever could. That's why humans could afford themselves luxury of emotions.

With his Vulcan heritage Spock didn't only get his physical appearance and his mind, but also the strength and depth of emotions. If his human emotions would run unattained he could provoke so much damage to those around him that he could not repair. That made him humble in his attempts to govern his emotions; he had too much to lose. He learned that early because of his mother, she was so fragile creature that owed her merely existence to restraint and control of those around her. She always tried to provoke emotions in him, to find a human in him, but he learned early that he could not be angry at her like human child could; she could not match his strength, like his servant could. That's how he got to sustain even basic emotions in front of her, he had to. It never really stopped to disturb him, that distance that she found hurtful, but he knew possibilities that lied on the path releasing emotions and that path was closed for him.

Spock had put all his effort and in time not his mother, not anyone could see human emotions in him. He himself was satisfied with his level of self control and serenity. He was at path of his father, and he seemed to notice less his human weaknesses. He even got to receive an invitation to higher layers of Vulcan knowledge, but as he stood there facing unmoving faces of one's inviting him to join them, he suddenly realized he can not join, he can not enter their temples of knowledge because in there he would never be equal, he will never receive same opportunities and possibilities as others, they will always ask for more and it will never be enough. Like it will never be enough for Sarek, he would never become Sybok without emotions, he would never be fully Vulcan and all faulty that comes from that will be noted and remembered, like his childhood outburst were remembered, never forgotten. If he had realized that sooner he would do it in more graceful manner that possibly wouldn't offend every senior Vulcan and his father. For them to offer him that opportunity and open that door was a great step, for him to turn it down was far worse than any angry punch he ever send down some testing child. Of course they were true Vulcan's and they didn't flinch or reacted, they were merely surprised by his illogicality but that could be easily explained by his human flaw.

His father was in harder position losing his second son to unexplained emotions and drives, because it could not be masked as logical and planned decision. He didn't expect of his father to abandon his dignity and agrees with his choice; Spock left him what he could, he left him intact his Vulcan integrity.

As he stood there he knew in an instant that there is only one other place he could go to gain knowledge, to grow and find out what he can about the universe and give something of his own to it. Star Fleet was outrages choice, but that possibility was the only one to offer some real potential in knowledge he could receive. That and he knew he will get his fair chance there. Humans won't see him as Human, like Vulcan's could recognize half of a child, but he won't ever ask of them to see that. He would prefer if they don't see it at all. Because of his appearance that was more than probable option. There he will be true alien without attempt to adjust, to be their own, he won't be tested for level of his perfection as Vulcan; he could just be a scientist in search for knowledge. That seemed enough for Spock.

He was good at estimating odds and everything went as he foreseen it. It wasn't anything extra-sensatory about it, it was pure calculation of conditions and he knew to estimate conditions well. Going through Star Fleet academy was a child's play for him and it would be boring if he didn't use his time well to get all the knowledge he could find. Humans and aliens alike were at proper distance just by his appearance and he wasn't bothered by distractions. Soon he was aboard Enterprise with Captain Pike and his opportunities to explore only grew. Aboard the ship he had his distance and his space; everything was going like it should.

When new Captain was assigned he didn't think much of it, he heard that he did break his test of impossible situation Kobayashi Maru by cheating, but he was obviously favored student with prominent father and that was just laughed off like innovative. At the time Spock was with Enterprise on far side of the universe. Nevertheless he didn't think much of his new Captain, or his promotion to his First Officer, because probabilities showed that he'll accept his detachment like any other human would do, to stop really see him and accept him like inevitability that came with the ship.

That's why he was taken by a surprise when the Captain stepped of the shuttle and asked permission to come aboard. He did it with confidence and smile placed on his features, the smile wasn't roaming around, he was fixed at Spock's face and he was subjected to intensive scanning of his smiling eyes. He did not try to shake hands with Spock although he did it with every other member of senior staff and all the time he kept his attention to Spock asking him directly for report of the ship's status. Spock gave full report with all system details and earned soft chuckle from the man, that provoked Spock's eyebrow to shoot up in quick reaction like it didn't in years. He was annoyed that he reacted, even more with Captain reassuring him his report was perfectly done. Then he turned around to new medic officer that Spock didn't get a chance to properly examine.

"Isn't that right Bones" he said in lithe tone that suggested hidden meaning "perfect."

"I'll say" said new doctor in growling voice "Leonard McCoy if anybody's asking. You didn't mention status of medical facilities, surely they are in a mess, I'll have to do with field kitchen tools on open wounds."

"I can assure you facilities were left in perfect order by your predecessor" Spock offered him his confused reassurance and gained yet another smile from the new Captain.

"I'll believe it when I see it" doctor McCoy waved his hand in dismissal "I know doctor Bronin, she couldn't find a right glove in pile of pairs. I'll find my own way thank you." He stopped assistance and left grumbling to himself something about spectacles that had already began, maybe even disasters.

"You'll get used to that" Captain reassured him when doctor was out of sight "he barks but doesn't bite."

"Why would he bite Captain?" Spock was even more confused and new Captain gave him rise of his own eyebrows in return, facial expression that made Spock quizzical.

"Shall we?" Captain gestured towards the hallway instead of an answer and they went towards the bridge in silence. When they were in turbo lift Captain turned to him.

"You're not familiar with Earth's sayings? I assume that because you would surely know everyone of it if you had studied it." Captain said with smile on the side, Spock studied him carefully.

"You assume well" he answered simply. "It wasn't my field of interest; I see no purpose in talking in riddles when there is a way to say things in clear and understandable manner."

"I agree to certain degree" Captain nodded his head slowly "but wheres fun in that riddles are good for the mind."

"I can concur that certain puzzles are stimulating in training our mind to work efficiently, but I don't see the point to comparing someone's behavior and words with bites and barking, if I'm not mistaken that certain attributes are related to an Earth animal called dog."

"Again you assume right, it's just a way of saying that he's anger is harmless." Captain concluded and exited to the bridge looking around.

Once again Spock was puzzled to the fact that humans would deliberately encourage anger that has no end, that doesn't serve to attack or protect, that is just a purpose for itself. Vulcan anger would undoubtedly end in violence and some sort of real action; it wouldn't be released by mere words.

Spock went to his station as new Captain sat in his chair.

"Mr. Sulu" he said to helmsmen "take her out for a spin, let's see what she's got."

"Aye sir" answered new helmsmen with a jolt in his voice. As they maneuvered out of the harbor Spock studied their new Captain. There was something different about him, not only from Captain Pike, but from other humans Spock had to deal with so far. There was something light in him, and he seemed at ease on his new position facing completely new environment and unexpected situations. Captain turned in his chair and caught Spock looking at him. Spock didn't look away, it would be human reaction, he had studied new Captain, and the fact that he turned around made it easier to close examine that new face. Captain's face lit up in a smile.

"Mr. Spock" he said and get up from his chair crossing few steps towards him. "What is out next destination?" he leaned on the rail behind Spock.

"Regiel 4 Captain" he said evenly "ambassador Leibek is waiting our shipment of new air containers."

"Of course he is" Captain chuckled for some reason and turned to new communication officer.

"Lieutenant Uhura, send the star base our greetings and let's get out of here."

As they entered warp speed and doctor McCoy entered the bridge Spock wondered what exactly makes new Captain so different, he had seen many humans to this point, and many of them smiled and laughed, and made references he did not bother to understand. It took him awhile to detect the difference, and when he did he was even more puzzled.

New Captain showed interest in him, Spock, personally, not just as First Officer and Science Officer. That interest had certain quality that was not neutral. For Spock it wasn't difficult to accept that kind of possibility, everything was possible in this Universe. But he found it highly improbable to ever come to any tangible outcome. There was more than one circumstance against anything really happening between him and his Captain. It wasn't the fact that Spock would find Captain unappealing; he had advantages that Spock could appreciate and he didn't find similar qualities in others, Vulcans or Humans. Obstacle was the fact of Vulcan ways when things of biology were concerned. Vulcans could never have humanly casual relation to those kinds of things, biological ones. Not only that matters of the body were repressed to far corners of Vulcan collective mind, but when they would emerge they would be quite serious, even deadly. Vulcan could only have one mate, and it would be for life, bond could be broken only by death. Spock highly doubted that Captain was aware of that, after all it was a private Vulcan matter. Captain thought that courting a Vulcan is something not committing like it was courting Human, and that Captain did allot. He just had that kind of approach to others, humans called it charm. That fact made Spock at ease with Captain's courting, and even gave him the space to respond like he's available to do so, like he's not a Vulcan. That had its liberating privileges, and it was useful in closer understanding of that human part in him. Soon that way of communicating became part of their daily routine.

Spock didn't think much of it because he knew the odds and knew that his bond mate is waiting for him to sub-come to his Vulcan blood. Sometimes he hopped he won't because he detested that Vulcan weakness that made them animals deprived of their mind and logic. Even after that bond was broken he didn't think much of it because there still were other factor that made it all highly improbable.

When it came to probabilities Spock usually was quick to get to real numbers of odds that were changing. He would calculate all new data into his equations following how the numbers are progressing as conditions are changing. In this specific situation considering the Captain and him and their certain connection that was forming, he never got to the real number, he never even began to calculate. He thought that was logical action because of lack of some vital data he would have to guess in order to calculate, and he didn't do guessing. Highly improbable was accurate enough because that equation depended on not so substantial facts that were hard to get into numbers. There was Captain's personal need for deep feelings that Spock could never match, despite Captain's lack of understanding Spock was what he was, a Vulcan. That could get some number, but that would be pure speculation. Another thing was the factor of available women that went through Captain's life. He had certainly reacted to them, and they would surely be more suitable companions for his needs. In time Spock could get enough data even on those women Captain would meet when Spock would not be around, he had a way to tell when that happened, but he refused to do that. That just wasn't his concern. Besides highly improbable was correct estimation in any case. Spock had no need for a number when it was very clear that the Captain's interest was only curious one, and Captain was curious man, but sooner or later there will come along someone that would be better suited for his emotions and needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: obviously I dismissed possibility of Spock/Uhura at academy. It just wasn't in original universe, not even hinted. I'll ascribe it to alternative factors in two universes. As Kirk's father died in new universe with that Star Fleet is a bit different, and maybe Pike is more ground based filling the gap and because of that Spock is instructor at academy. In original universe I think it's clearly stated that Spock served under Pike roaming universe. Beside that Kirk was more better raised and probably went through academy a bit sooner, and his Kobayashi is different than Kirk's without father.
> 
> Now that I have unlikely, impossible and improbable in place I'll get further by set of questions. Questions do inspire me so in this story you are invited to ask them. For me now questions are:
> 
> How did it come to Kirk to insist on being called Jim by Spock?
> 
> What happened after Amok time for Spock, what changed?
> 
> How did the talk about cheat on Kobayashy Maru went?
> 
> How did Kirk managed to cheat his way into hand touching?
> 
> What weakened Spock's will to resist?
> 
> And biggest what did offended Spock so much to go through Kolinar?
> 
> I really don't expect to answer all of them, but let's take it one at the time. Bonus to this is that I have an adventure somewhere around first movie while Kirk is still admiral, not set on Enterprise. Don't know what will come to be from possibilities, we shall see. :)


	6. Help Me Up

Kirk's curiosity was insatiable. After awhile he decided he'll just play it simple. There were enough situations to do that. They were always in action and he would often fall down, Spock would often offer his hand and Kirk would do polite thing, he would grab his elbow and get up. He'll just grab him by the hand and act like he did it accidentally. He's played innocent often enough, he should pull it off and he did. Only thing was that the outcome was rather unpredictable.

They were on the mission, there were fighting and at the end he found himself on the ground as Spock nerve pinched last attacker. He had that ability to calmly put down even most dangerous opponents. That left them alone in the cave and Captain decided it was a good moment for his experiment. As expected Spock approached him and offered his hand, Kirk did what he planned he grab hold of his palm but Spock didn't do what was expected, he didn't pull him up. In a second they hands locked their grip it was like circle was closed and they froze. Spock was staring right at him and Kirk didn't know is he angry or just upset, he didn't dare to break the silence. Feeling between their palms rose up like a flame burning through Kirk's skin like something is penetrating his mind. There was glimpse of something, something velvety like behind it all but it was like the contact was muffled, something was missing, the chocolate feeling from when Spock held his hand above Kirk's. But still it was an intense feeling that provoked desire in Kirk, sudden and hard to control desire.

Finally Spock pulled him up but still didn't let go, he just stared at Kirk, so Kirk waited. He wasn't in a hurry to let go of his hand, in fact he wasn't sure he could if he wanted to. It was like he was glued in place.

"Excuse me Captain" said Spock in a hoarse voice "this is why humans tend to respect Vulcan's avoiding of the contact, it makes human uncomfortable."

"I wouldn't say that exactly" said Kirk gently causing those eyebrows to frown in confusion.

"How could you call feeling of this intensity then, Vulcan's tend to avoid things that would provoke them to feel so strongly." Yet he still didn't let go of Kirk's hand, Kirk has found that he started to have difficulties with breathing, he wanted to loosen up his shirt.

"Well, Mr. Spock, we humans are notorious for liking some uncomfortable things just for the thrill of emotions." He said trying to keep his smile up resisting the urge to shift his fingers in attempt to gain some more skin to touch.

"Thrill of emotions?" Spock was even more baffled and that made Kirk chuckle, he just wanted to kiss that man sometimes, harmless affectionate kiss, it sure would confuse the hell out of him. "I do not understand. Emotions are something to be suffered, sustained if they can't be helped, what mostly they can, but to thrive to them is beyond logic. It seems like tremendous waste of time."

"We humans were never accused to be the most logical of all beings, or that we don't waste time. Sometimes life is all about things that aren't logical, or very useful, but are just fun and pleasant." Captain started to perspire but kept his other hand to his side resisting the urge to tug his collar to gain some air.

"Humans can be really confusing at times" admitted Spock and Kirk pondered what would happen is he would pull him closer, probably nothing, he was far stronger than Kirk, maybe if he got closer, but that was just wishful thinking, it was clear from his eyes he's not affected by contact as Kirk was. "Point of a life is to learn and to contribute to a world at your own ability; I see no other purpose to life than that."

"Really Spock?" Kirk's voice became a whisper. "Nothing else? Nothing for your own enjoyment?"

"Joy is superfluous, and it is and emotion, emotions doesn't serve any purpose, for any means they only cloud the mind disabling its ability to solve problems." Spock said flatly but for Kirk seemed that there is something behind the words, words weren't important, important was that the contact had provoked reaction in Spock too, the one he called a feeling, and that he didn't withdraw from the contact. It was a true play of the chicken; he waited for Kirk to withdraw to show his mastery upon his own body. Kirk smiled widely and was awarded with something almost uncertain behind dark eyes. Reaction was there however Spock masked it with words.

"No Spock" Kirk said quietly not able to remove passion from his voice but that wasn't important "this simple feeling" he squeezed his hand gently moving his fingers just a bit "is what's important, it is the purpose to live for; it gives life flavor and color."

Spock's eyes broke contact and fell to their joined hands. It was something almost like regret on his face; he looked exposed for a moment.

"No Captain" his voice sounded heavy and flat and paused as he released Kirk's hand but as he let go and withdrew his fingers traced a path along Kirk's palm brushing his fingers before breaking the contact, as the tips of their fingers touched Kirk felt slight shock go through his whole body and he was breathless for a moment. "Humans have that habit of entertaining emotions to mask real purpose of life, Vulcans do not tend to do that, we know our duties in this Universe." With that he turned away and went to join their party.

Kirk stood there just a moment longer composing himself and getting his breath back. He lifted his hand and looked at it. It looked ordinary but it felt tingling all around. Kirk closed his fist around the feeling and smiled slightly. He wasn't affected by Spock's words, he didn't believe them; neither had he believed that Spock is as unemotional as he tries to be. No, he was savoring his small victory and started to think what he could try to do next to get some grip on that feeling. Feeling was undoubtedly there, as it was now confirmed that it was at Spock's end felt too, but Kirk was explorer, for him it wasn't enough that the feeling was there, he had to know what it was exactly, and could he get more of it.


	7. The Taste of the Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock is sorting things out.

In days following hand incident Spock avoided Captain's smiled eyes and kept to himself responding only in professional manner. He had indulged his Human research long enough. He had a choice long ago and he did decide to tend to his Vulcan side. That choice was important to him because he had no luxury of whole human to indulge to his emotions. His emotions were deeper and his reaction impossible to cultivate so it was even more important for him to stay detached and logical than for other Vulcan's. For them logic and suppression was like breathing, Spock had to put an effort to it.

His Captain put that effort to a test and Spock didn't like how he passed on that test. He held Captain's hand just to show him why he shouldn't pursue that line of action, he waited for him to back down and withdraw but he didn't. Afterwards Spock knew he should expect of him to endure, after all Captain has shown he was more than capable to withstand pain and any uncomfortable feeling.

For Spock the feeling that rose from his hand was dangerously close to triggering burning of his blood, and that was very dangerous place to stand upon. There he would lose ability to differentiate between violence and lust. After awakening Vulcan blood to burn there would be lost the choice for the other, that wouldn't be a place of choosing, only choice would be compliance or death, Vulcan blood would accept any of those without discrimination. There were no real danger of his blood to turn to Plak Tow on the spot, it took time for the blood to overcome disciplined mind, but he never before came even remotely close to that state of the body.

It took several days of meditation before he could look at the face of his Captain without feeling shame that he brought friendship Captain offered him to that dangerous border of violence. It wasn't Captain's place to know what danger lies ahead of his current course of action. Spock considered for brief moment to explain those things to the Captain but he was quick to disregard that course. Not only that it would be highly inappropriate it would force him to form into words things he didn't care to admit loudly, and other, more important thing, was that Captain wouldn't be discouraged by the danger. On contrary Captain thrived on danger, he show his best ingenuity in most deadly situations. Spock wasn't ready to put Captain's ability to outwit logic to a test. Besides Captain seemed to have good sense for borders and he would never push further than Spock was willing to let him; at least in the matter that weren't related to ship and crew's safety.

That's why after few smiles and jokes Captain let their daily communication to return to necessity of duty and reports. Spock admired that he could do that, humans would rarely be able to keep serious and professional manner. Only thing that was left for Spock to regret was the thing he did at the end. There was a need to let go of Captain's hand, and he felt it from the moment they touched, but under that need there was reluctant feeling of regret of that departure. As they hands were connected it was like in that few moments Spock wasn't alone, he could easily feel Captain's mind open and responsive, warm even. He resisted the urge to explore further, but the pull was there and when he realized Captain won't back down he released his hand. Only thing was that his fingers didn't comply as they should and as he withdrew they traced a path along Captain's palm as they were magnetized too his skin. And on their path tip of Spock's fingers brushed against Captain's. For a briefest of moments there was a connection, clear, open path between their minds and Spock's mind shuddered. And that last thing was the one that needed meditation to be purified and put aside.

It was until they were stranded on yet another planed that Spock's walls against his Captain were set in place. Enterprise was out of reach because there was a new type of disease on that planet. As they waited for the Doctor to do his job and produce a new type of cure Captain got the fewer. There was nothing for Spock left to do, he gave his findings to the doctor so he complied with McCoy's instructions and sat beside his ill Captain. He saw no use of him sitting there but it was more than just standing aside waiting.

"Water" Captain came about and Spock complied handing him glass of water. "What's our status?" he asked after Spock put away empty glass.

"Doctor is making progress, it shouldn't be long now Captain" Spock said frowning at his closed eyes.

"Jim" murmured the Captain.

"What Jim Captain?" Spock was confused for a second analyzing all the people they met here.

"I'm Jim Spock" Captain shook his head slowly "that's my name. Could you use it, I feel even worse lying here without you calling me captain all the time, I feel like I should jump up and run whenever you say it, like there is a danger ahead."

Spock hesitated for a moment, it was very out of his character to use such intimate way of addressing anyone, but the Captain was ill and this was no time to explain and argue his way of addressing others.

"Jim" he said and paused as Captain's lips lifted in a smile "vaccine will be ready soon."

"That's better" Captain sighed "now I know I'm incapacitated, illogical, human that is sick and I can get to sleep, you're in charge Mr. Spock."

With that Captain slipped into sleep. Spock continued to sit there and stared at Captain's sleeping form. As he watched he still felt shape of his name in his mouth, like it had flavor and color; that name almost had a taste for Spock. With recognizing that taste Spock finally resigned to the fact that when Captain wakes up he will continue their communication and let him smile at Spock because he really had no choice. The choice was to leave Enterprise but that he would never do, traveling with that ship had advantages to Spock that he couldn't find elsewhere. That's why he'll continue to have this… friendship with his Captain, Jim, because there was no way around it. Captain had his way of addressing others, and Spock had his discipline and training against uncontrolled emotions. Surely his training would be able to contain and control such a harmless feeling as affection for the sleeping man.

There were many reasons to justify that kind of affection, man surely had many qualities, but there was just one reason not to withdraw into safety of his efficient and cold walls. Captain needed him to keep him on course, and that was his main duty as first officer. To do that he has to know the man, to be in tune with where he was, how he was. It was a price of the duty he took upon himself. When he joined Star Fleet and surrounded himself with humans he knew it will come with a price; that he'll need to endure some uncomfortable situations. He didn't expect that his own feelings and reactions would be inside uncomfortable zone but that was the case and it was illogical to deny it.

There was established level of trust that was formed between him and his Captain, and Spock would have to trust his Captain to respect the borders Spock decided to uphold. Besides that Spock's superior nature would grant him control over whatever emotions would disturb his inner peace. The fact that the taste of Captain's name or the emotions that he provoked were not unpleasant ones was irrelevant, any emotions was unwelcomed intruder to his path to inner peace and high logic. Necessity to uphold his duty was the one to make him continue on the path of friendship with his Captain because that friendship was the thing that kept them in tune and enabled them to survive some most unpromising situations. Any deviation that would derive from that in Spock's mind will be purged later when he achieves his goal of purging all emotions.


	8. Warning

"What exactly are you saying Bones?" Kirk's voice was dangerously soft. "Are you saying I went too far?"

"Well Jim, you are the Captain here, damn it" Bones was all flustered, he knew he was walking a dangerous tread "you outrank every damn person on this ship, that puts you in a dangerous situation, you wouldn't use it, but it could be interpreted like it."

"Interpreted?" Kirk pondered it for a moment and then he tried to stifle a smile. "So you think our First Officer would soon report me to Head Quarters for being… what exactly; sexual harassment?"

"Well when you put it like that of course it sounds ridiculous" Bones got defensive.

"You are aware on physical conditions of our First, you best of all, he could just snap me like a twig or put me to sleep with on move, I think he'll manage to defend himself from a… crude guy like me" he said it lightly and with a smile but the words didn't sit right.

"Yeah, yeah" Bones turned away "when I think of whom I'm talking about I feel silly, he has no emotions to be violated against, but still. He was strange on the last mission, I had to order him to sit with you while I was preparing vaccine, and later on… well he looked more stuffed than before."

"I don't imagine that sitting while someone else works is his kind of situation" Kirk pointed out carefully wondering was there something to doctor's words, besides his flammable temper, he knew to evaluate men on his care. Sometime he could even read Spock, but that was very rarely. Was this one of those times?

"Yeah probably, but you…" Bones looked him over his shoulder and offered him a crooked smile "you won't do anything crazy?"

"You know me" Kirk smiled "I just like to poke sometimes. It's nothing harmful."

Bones sighed and shook his head.

"I know Jim, but sometimes I think your sense of humor will cost me my liver" with that he poured himself another glass of ale.

Kirk wasn't at ease with doctor's prying. It wasn't like him to cross that line between Kirk's private affairs and his duties. Maybe it was because Spock was mainly entwined with his duties that Kirk stopped perceiving that he is outranking him. It was ridiculous to think of Spock as damsel in distress but something triggered protectiveness in Bones. Kirk could understand that but he was sure that his small pokes and provocations are hardly bruising against Spock's impenetrable shell of logic. He wasn't worried for Bones, Spock would provoke him with something perfectly logical and Bones will remember he considers him almost a machine. But Spock was different thing. How would Kirk be sure when he had overstepped the line in his poking? Would Spock really react violently? He couldn't imagine that, not yet, but maybe… How do Vulcan's react to sexual harassment? With that Kirk felt smile spreading across his face because he found another interesting question considering his First Vulcan.

With that smile he entered the bridge and was greeted with Spock getting gracefully from his chair and reporting that all is well in the Universe, at least at this portion of the Universe, surely it would change soon. Kirk took a good look at Vulcan face but nothing could be seen there. Only thing was that Spock seemed undisturbed, calm, he looked straight at the Captain. Soon, as Kirk continued to stare, one eyebrow quirked quizzically and Kirk laughed softly.

"Thank you Mr. Spock. So it was a dull shift I guess?" Kirk offered him a suppressed smile and Spock almost sighed in return, like he's enduring long and boring part of his duty.

"Dull wasn't the word I would use Captain" he said as his eyes drifted up to panels behind Kirk's back "there is always something worth observing."

"Of course Mr. Spock" Kirk positioned himself to his chair "what was it this time; some nebula?"

"No, this is quite vacant part of the Universe" he answered almost sounding tired "emptiness was most illuminating."

"Glad you found your mental stimulation for the day" Kirk said cheerfully and earned one careful gaze that lingered a moment too long as he's trying to decide should he be offended by something or amused. After a second Spock nodded as he understood something and went to his station. Kirk watched him retreat and wondered how his complex mind calculated that statement.

Kirk turned ahead thinking how that interplay was done. He wasn't quite satisfied with his odds, it seemed like he would be forced to stall his plans and puns for awhile; it was a small chance the doctor was right in his estimation. After all there was somewhat colder between him and his First since his pun with hand touching.

"Talking about stimulation" Spock spoke up like he could hear Kirk's thoughts, Kirk spun around surprised but Spock looked at his console "maybe you'll find this site gratifying, I found it deeply interesting."

With that he called on the main screen an image.

"We passed that an hour ago, I though you'll find it interesting." Spock explained himself focusing on his console.

Kirk turned around and found himself breathless.

"It's beautiful Spock" he said quietly leaning forward studying emptiness. It was really empty, dark space, but stars that were beyond that clear space were bright and clear like someone cut their shape on black velvet. It was like he could see stars and their dance through the space as they are chasing them to catch them before they move to new parts of the Universe. It seemed like it's almost impossible for them to catch them ever. It was a real wonder they ever managed to get to where they are going.

"Beautiful isn't the word I would use" Spock's even voice came from behind him "that's not measurable variable, but I could agree it has its advantages in count of unison and working of the universe."

Kirk smile grew and he sighed deeply feeling like everything is well with the world. Everything was in place with his Spock, he was balanced and logical as ever. That made it possible to put in motion his next poke to his armours. He just wanted to see a crack, that was all.


	9. The Line of Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more of McCoy love.

If Spock had ever heard talk between his Captain and the Doctor he would be quite displeased. It would probably surprise McCoy, but he wouldn't be displeased with the Captain because Captain knew to evaluate his strength and endurance of his shields. Luckily he never heard one of those conversations; McCoy paid extra attention so that he wouldn't. He wasn't the one to indulge those kinds of conversations often; he knew they were in vain, but more often than not, Spock would appreciate it. But McCoy wouldn't say he was deeply involved between those two: it was only that nobody else seemed to notice anything odd about their relationship. Over time, that oddness had the potential to get on the good doctor's nerves.

He had a clear view of the matters of health and balance, what those two did for him wasn't on the good side of healthy and balanced behavior. The doctor wanted for them to make up their mind, are they messing about or not? But it seemed like they had no intention in making up their minds any time soon. As a person inclined to fixing things, that was most frustrating state for Bones so he would, on occasion, cross some line of delicacy and protocol; he wasn't known for his manners but for his sharp tongue.

In time he reluctantly resigned himself to the way things were but he never stopped to grunt about it.

Like that time those damn reptiles came from underground and Jim almost wiped out a whole new species, just because they found Spock's prying insulting and knocked him out cold for hours. He almost had to step on Jim to calm him down and get him to react humanly. Of course first he had to reassure him that their Vulcan wasn't stone dead, just unconscious. When that coldblooded Vulcan woke up, Jim played it cool like nothing extraordinary had happened. Leonard wanted to strangle him but he released his stress by poking the uptight Vulcan about his horizontal position and his competence with coldblooded creatures.

Of course, that smug bastard just deflected it all back, unmoved. That's what annoyed him the most, the Vulcan's unreachable nature. Without graspable emotions you could only bark at closed doors: nothing would ever get in. At times, it seemed like there was something inside those doors, but Spock would soon squash any inkling of a normal emotional response.

Usually, Leonard went back and forth between thinking Jim is going to get squashed with ease in his next attempt, and feeling that Jim is going to step over something delicate and very tender in his First in an irreparable way, but today, today he didn't give a damn. Today those two could drown in piles of their own vomit and he wouldn't lend a hand. He was probably one to blame, he shouldn't get himself between firing lines. This time, firing lines were more literally drawn than he liked it. Luckily there were no fire arms, only damn psychotropic drugs. Leonard would snort every time he would think about it. Drugs weren't his recreation of choice; he hated to be so out of it. Jim must have known what they could expect and he didn't share. He was on that damn planet before, when he wasn't a high and mighty Captain, he must have known that people there use arrows dipped in nice mixture of herbs that strips all inhibitions.

Cunning bastard just didn't share. There was only one reason Leonard could think of for such a deficiency of information.

Their dear old Captain had his aim targeted at their dear Vulcan, he hoped to see him inhibition-less for no effort at all. Nothing Jim could say could ever persuade him otherwise. Leonard didn't even bother to confront Jim about it, he was so mad when he came about. To think he was standing in line of fire when that projectile blown out of the tube came flying towards their favourite pointed eared Vulcan. As the Captain put it mildly after, the people were a bit xenophobic. Then the target surely wasn't the inconspicuous old doctor, surely it was the ears. Leonard turned red when he heard that.

Of the all darn things he could imagine to be the unfortunate outcome of their dancing about each other's heels Leonard never imagined it would be him howling at the moon hanging from the outer haul in that damn space suit he never wanted to wear, or for that matter, him dancing around down the hall singing old campfire songs. Jim would never stop laughing about that. That infuriated the old doctor even more, that Jim got a second prize for his stunt. He didn't get to see an uncontrolled Vulcan, but he got a good view of the back of Leonard's head, and Leonard wasn't crazy about that. Jim already had too much on him.

"So, doctor, how are we feeling?" the Captain's cheerful voice came from the doorway almost like an answer to his thoughts.

Leonard only growled in response.

"What's the matter Bones? I thought your little exercise would leave you in a better mood, you seemed like you've enjoyed our little trip after all."

"Not as much as you'd enjoy it if it went as planned," Leonard muttered, breaking his inner promise that he'd keep his mouth shut this time.

"Don't know what you're talking about Bones," Kirk responded, too innocently, as he sat across the table from Leonard. "It was a routine mission, there were no special plans involved."

"Of course there weren't." Leonard snorted and poured some drink for Jim too. "Not official ones," he murmured into his glass.

"Bones, shouldn't the drug be out of your system by now? Paranoia isn't an uncommon side effect." Jim frowned and Leonard spread a sharp smile across his face, of course he came in ready. That made Leonard stubborn. McCoy's were famous for that trait after all, and why should he embarrass his family name by backing down from a fight?

"Paranoia, my ass," he said with dignity. "You knew of their customs, you knew of the drug they use, I checked, it was there in the goddamn report, you just conveniently forgot to mention it. Xenophobia," he hissed, "now tell me, what possessed you to bring a pointy eared green-blooded prying Vulcan into that mixture if not to incite arrows to fly?"

Jim looked at him thoughtfully and a smile spread across his features. He sure loved to be recognized as the genius he was. Leonard hated that sometimes.

"Are you saying that I deliberately endangered my men just to get my First Officer submissive enough for some form of sexual intercourse?" he said slowly, as if he were talking to a child.

"Now wait just a damn minute!" Leonard jumped up "I didn't mention any kind of sexual anything, that's your dirty mind working! I personally am not sure that there are any organs that function attached there."

"Aren't you a doctor?" Jim said raising his eyebrows, looking innocent as ever.

"I am a doctor, not an urologist," he said, defending his dignity, "and even if I was, I'm sure Vulcan's have some rules against showing anything so outside logic, for all I know, they made it useless like the appendix and procreate using tubes and labs."

Jim frowned and tilted his head thoughtfully.

"Then what are you implying doctor?" he asked softly. Leonard knew that tone but decided he wouldn't let himself be intimidated.

"That it was part of your little game to get our Mr Spock to react, to produce an emotion."

"That I already…" started the Captain, sounding a bit annoyed but stopped mid sentence. Leonard could see how he hid something away and let the false smile grace his features.

"Now you'll deny that you're playing that game?" Leonard was upset.

"No, you know me too well for that" Jim smile became genuine and he got up. "I am playing that game, but not this time, that arrow was meant for you, it was a gift."

"A gift?" Leonard blinked, confused at the change of direction the conversation was taking.

"Yes, for a xenophobic gesture our dear Mr. Spock would be pierced by small hooks, all over his body," he paused, like there was something in that picture he couldn't turn away from, "drugs are highly valued on their planet, it is considered to be a great honor to receive some of their mixtures, by helping that man in delirium you've deserved your dosage. It would be rude of us to give you antidote on the spot."

"You're saying we had an antidote with us all along?" Leonard was appalled by such a blatant lie, he had packed no such thing.

"Yes, I told Nurse Chapel what she should pack for the trip; she did pack for you, didn't she? You can ask her." With that, he turned and exited with all his Captain dignity intact.

Leonard looked at the closed doors, regretting he didn't aim something at Jim while he was still in the room.

"Is everything alright?" Nurse Chapel appeared at the door and Leonard refused to ask her. Jim probably wasn't lying, it was too easy to expose such a lie, but if she was in on it too he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of lying to him. That made him pause; maybe paranoia wasn't excluded from his side effects list.

"We should do some more tests," he told her instead, "to see if that damn thing has no other rogue agents roaming about."

"Yes Doctor, I'll prepare the scanner. Should I unpack your gear?"

"Oh just get on with it," he snapped at her but then rubbed the side of his face. "I'm sorry, it's been an unusual day."

"I'll say! When the Captain told me to pack three normal antidotes for hallucinogen drugs and one extra dosage of tranquilizer that could knock Vulcans unconscious I thought the world had gone mad," she murmured as she passed him by.

"Aha, got you" shouted Leonard triumphantly, startling Nurse Chapel.

"What did I do?" she said breathlessly holding her heart. "We had more unusual requests and when you got back it all cleared out, imagine what that would do to a Vulcan physiology."

"I can imagine it," Leonard said satisfied, "and so can our dear Captain. You did excellently dear, let's see that bloodstream of mine once more, shall we?"

He was wrong about the Captain. Kirk did bring necessary equipment, and he didn't hope Spock would get shot for being foreign. He just hoped he'll do what he usually does, help and earn himself a 'gift' that they would be forced to let him suffer through for polite reasons. Because he wasn't totally crazy, he considered how out of hand could such an experiment go. He made sure he had a means to put him to sleep if he got too liberal with his inhibitions out of the window. Leonard wasn't shown such courtesy.


	10. Steep Cliffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more Kirk maneuvering :)

Okay, maybe he has gone too far.

Maybe.

The talk with Bones didn't improve things for Kirk. In fact, it may have just irreparably sent things further down the line. For a while Kirk will think of him as responsible for the course of his actions. He had no justification to talk so freely about Mr Spock's groin, or possible lack of any. Jim didn't really think about it before. It was a simple and somewhat innocent game, but now it made a dangerous turn towards more concrete curiosity. Jim just had to find out - is there, or isn't there possibility for that act between human and Vulcan, or was it all science?

It was really disappointing to think the latter because he was the man who liked to have his options open. Not that he really thought there could be something concrete between him and Spock, but he just didn't like that option to be completely closed. It was too final, and he was bad at taking unsolvable tests, it was likely he would cheat to win rather than to give up. It was better if he thought that there is a solution, then his mind wouldn't get so obsessed with finding a solution.

He took it upon himself to find out whether there is or isn't there anything active about his Vulcan's groin. Records didn't help at all, not that he'd expected them to. The Federation had a very...modest view in sharing information.

With diversity and the uncontrolled nature of information in previous decades of human development space exploration showed how harmful vast diversity of information can be. Things that other species consider offensive are bottomless, one shoot of bikini on the beach banned them form ever visiting Sergo 4 for an unspecified amount of time. The same went for food, gestures and behaviour. It was better not to go into cultural convictions. The other part of the problem was the wave of information that aliens received before any real contact with humans. It was unpredictable what they would be able to decipher. That resulted in some awkward and spectacularly wrong welcome boards. The thing with torturing chambers on Prime 6 was one of the more colourful ones. They understood few crimes shows too literally, thinking it was preference among Humans.

That resulted in design of new transmitters that were coded on private frequencies and adjusted to personal profile that no one could see; as the official record went, they were very vague and without anything that could offend anybody; just plain information. Information about alien species didn't pry into affairs that said species weren't ready to disclose. In the case of the Vulcans, physical aspects were so few that they made problems for the doctor, and matters of reproduction were out of bounds.

That left Kirk with only practical options to rely on. The tricky part was to do it without being exposed, because that would be one huge offensive gesture towards Spock, and might set their relationship back. Sure he could just ask, maybe he would be met with the usual Vulcan dry response, but Kirk had a feeling that this issue wouldn't be as easy for Spock as an innocent question about green blood. It was during one of the first missions when green liquid covered the corridor. Spock didn't disclose with the doctor that he was injured. Later he explained himself easily stating that he had all the help needed in his quarters and delaying it would have severe consequences.

Making him strip down, as much that sounded appealing and satisfying for his curiosity, was out of the question. It was only one time he even saw him in short sleeves, and even that had proved to be a captivating sight. Modesty did wonders for the senses.

All that was left after these options was feeling him out. He couldn't just reach out and grab him by his groin, although it would be a hilarious sight. No, he'll just have to bump into him in the right angle. Like with hand grabbing, fighting gave them enough options for that kind of accident.

It took several pretty strong colliding to get the right angle. First time he came close in lining up in right area it seemed flat and unmoved. That was unnerving. Finally he got a perfect opportunity for closer examination. That was not case of bumping into, that was a bad plan anyway, and the touch would be too random and short, nothing decisive.

But luck served the good captain, as it often does, in an albeit dangerous and uncomfortable way. He and Spock were separated from the landing party, serving Spock's curiosity, and were attacked by natives with masses of indigo fur. They seemed to find their lack of hair offensive. Not wanting to start a war with a accomplished new culture that was warp capable, they withdrew into a narrow path of steep cliffs and soon their persuaders couldn't get in. But this meant the captain and his first had to squeeze in together. Kirk, doing some quick thinking, manoeuvred himself into the right position for his inquiry, choosing not to expose himself to embarrassment. He aligned his back against Spock's front and the narrow path served him well, pressing them firmly together.

"Captain, we could have gone in one after the other. Now we are stuck," Spock pointed out into his ear. Unseen, Kirk grinned.

"No, we're covered by this ledge; their lasers could reach us just an inch forward."

"Not an inch, more a reach of the hand. Because of the curve of the path it is hard to determine exactly. Also, we are unfamiliar with their type of weapon," Spock argued calmly. Kirk felt light and cheerful: his investigation had gone well and given results. There was definitely something down there. It was time to go home.

"Scotty, two to beam up, a bit crowded down here," he said into the communicator.

"You don' say, sir," Scotty replied. "Th' others are under heavy fire, should ah get you firs'?"

"No, we're fine for now," Kirk replied, perfectly comfortable standing close to Spock for as long as possible. "Get the others first, we'll wait."

After he closed his communicator there was a silence. He could feel Spock's hot breath on his neck. He told himself to keep a calm posture and not to further lean into Spock, but soon his mantra became hard to follow.

"Scotty, what is with that transporter?" he barked into the com, feeling that he was at the verge of snapping into action, but he wasn't sure. Would he run out with his phaser, shooting his way out, or would he back up, crashing Spock into a cave wall?

"Sorry Captain, but it's hard to align the transporter to your location. Your signals are intertwined, and on top of that there is a rock formation that makes signal weak." Scotty was upset at disclosing the brief failure of his beloved technology.

"We are in the canyon," admitted Kirk. "Should we get out, would that improve the signal? Some locals are waiting for us there, though, and I doubt they'll be pleased to see us."

"No Captain." Scotty was offended. "Ah'll fix it in a minute, could you just stand a bit longer?"

"No problem Scotty, but hurry, it's getting hot in here," Kirk said with a smile.

"Aye sir."

"The temperature is usual for human beings," Spock said, confused. Kirk didn't have to turn around to see the slight frown on his face. "I find it quite chilled."

"Maybe I should check on our friends out there. Perhaps they tire easily."

He wiggled out of Spock's touch, it was unnecessary now when he knew that there isn't a wall there, just a regular lock that could be picked. He moved an inch forward and was rewarded by a wall of indigo fur on the far end. Phaser fire burned the rock in front of him and he dived backwards into Spock's arms. Spock pulled him hard against his waist and they stood there in silence while Kirk evened out his breath.

"Our welcoming committee is persistent in making us feel well received," he said trying to straighten up, but Spock's firm hand held him in place.

"No Captain," he said in a low voice. "Your estimation was correct, it was just an inch away, and this was close." Kirk nodded and leaned into his touch, Spock holding him up.

"You could just stand here for hours, couldn't you?" Kirk said after a moment.

"Affirmative." Spock nodded his head in his familiar way. The simple gesture caused his head to brush against Kirk's. This was a bad idea, Kirk thought, and now he was paying for his curiosity - he was on the verge of starting to rub against the unsuspecting Vulcan.

"Captain, we're ready, but ah can only take you one at a time," Scotty mercifully sounded on the communicator. Universe still loved this little Captain.

"That's fine. Take Spock first, just give us a second," he answered, relieved.

"It would be more logical if you went first, Captain. I am better concealed than you." Spock said.

"Exactly, my teleportation beam would be seen and they might try to crush the rock to get to you, so let me to use that inch now." He straightened himself up. Spock seemed to hesitate for a split second before releasing him, but Kirk attributed it to his worry about the shooter outside.

When there was an inch between them Kirk could feel the chill that Spock had mentioned.

"One to beam up," Spock said into his communicator and after a second, Kirk could lean back on the empty rock.

"Captain?"

"Give me a second," Kirk answered and took a few breaths, composing himself. Separate beaming was a blessing. Showing up entangled and flustered wouldn't be his best moment.

"Beam me up Scotty," he said eventually.

When he reached the transporter room he was greeted with a raised Vulcan eyebrow.

"Everything in order Captain?" Spock said, looking him up and down.

"I didn't peek out, if that's what you mean. The air was fresh there, I took a few more breaths," he said, descending from the transporter pad. "Everyone alright?"

"Everyone on board," said Scotty proudly.

"Mr Spock, you look puzzled," he turned toward his Vulcan who looked as he was solving a troubling problem.

"How can one place be at the same time hot and cool?" He tilted his head, obviously puzzled and Kirk chuckled.

He looked at an interested Scotty.

"Well it's a matter of placement, when you left the fresh air came through the other end," Kirk answered seriously, admiring his own ability to make up a lie on the spot. One look at a skeptical Scotty's face said he wasn't as good as he thought, but for a Vulcan his skills would do.


	11. Crew's Moral

His new Captain stood too close to him. At first he found it disconcerting and uncomfortable but he withstood it because his studies of human behavior showed that proximity is usual to human beings. He haven't noticed it in practice until their new Captain arrived, but he observed it many times. Now when he himself was subjected to such proximity he examined all available data. Although initially uncomfortable he adjusted soon enough and discovered that proximity isn't such a troubling thing as he expected. At least when it came from his new Captain Kirk.

Captain seemed like a person easy to have around, or at least humans would describe it in such terms. Spock would say that his Captain hadn't had any characteristics that would cause discomfort or irritation. Although he often enough got Spock confused, which caused laughter in his Captain, confusion wouldn't be long lived. In some sense you could say that Spock got used to being amusing. It was the first sensation of amusement in his life and he didn't find it unsettling, but agreeable. You could go so far to say that even Spock himself was amused by that new moment in his life. Being close to Captain made him almost feel something. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone, but it would be unwise, especially for a Vulcan, to be untruthful to himself. That sensation, or, if you insist, a feeling, wasn't much defined one and Spock left it at that.

All he could admit is that he liked when his Captain smiled at him and that he found that his lips would involuntary mimic that expression in slightest curve up.

Standing inside that narrow path with Captain pressed closely against him provoked certain unexpected reaction in his body but Spock didn't give too much thought to it. Some reactions were involuntary, almost unnoticeable specks of his human half. Those kind of reactions were easily to cultivate, they didn't lead to anything menacing so Spock left it at that.

Somewhat unsettling was Spock's own inclination to respond to Captain's challenges with his own retort. Unsettling part was that his constructive mind divided a part of its strength to participate in those debates and pokes Captain would initiate. There were better ways of using intellect but his responds brought so much light into Captain's eyes that Spock considered it a sacrifice to ship's moral. After all ship's moral was in his job description.

When he thought about that job description Spock often thought that he was unusual choice for a First Officer. Most of usual duties were connected to crew and communicating orders to lower ranks but Captain had an easy way to discard those directions. Spock thought that if Captain wasn't so good in finding innovative ways in solving problems he wouldn't lasted very long in his position as first behind the Captain because crew didn't respond to his logical ways all too well. That was shown clearly when he had to take charge. Everyone decided just to disobey him one by one.

Any other Captain would consider to relieve him of his duty after that but not Jim. Spock smiled as he always did when he used his name, even in privacy of his own mind. He described it to the difference in culture and left it at that.

After that Spock had to notice and appreciate all the ways Captain adjusted protocol so Spock could fill his duty. There weren't a pride in human sense in Spock that would cause him to deny his own limitations. And his limitation were met when he had to deal with people and explain himself to them. That is everyone except Captain. It seemed like he understood Spock somehow, like he knew even something that was invisible to Spock and that something made him smile when he would look at Spock's face. That smile made it comfortable for Spock to submit to his leadership and to withstand his poking.

That was his duty after all on this ship. Communications of orders went through Uhura to lower ranks. Orders were distributed while Spock remained free to do what he does best, be a scientist. Moral was kept by Captain's smile full of optimism and maybe Spock did keep crew's moral because sometimes it seemed that he is responsible for that smile. At least in some extent.


	12. The Vehicle for the Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Kirk pain.

Captain Kirk was a fit man, but sitting in the chair had a toil on him. Not a big one because good doctor kept him fit enough, forcing on him regular exercises. Not that he wouldn't do them himself, he knew how being fit is important for the job, especially between them changing gravity poles all the time. One planet gave them extra strength, other one made them heavy as hell, and Enterprise did have lighter version of gravity. Their training made them move around in any environment in a steady pace but it did require exercise. Kirk did his best but the job and responsibility kept him sitting in the chair more than he ought to so the unpleasant consequence was a kink in his back.

It would appear from time to time bugging him in most inconvenient of situations. Most of the time he acted like it wasn't there keeping his Captain's posture. But from time to time he had to ask Bones for the extra treatment, and it always came with ranting about his stress levels and lack of sleep. Who can sleep on a ship that is always moving ahead exploring new horizons and finding new civilizations? He's sure not the one to be able to sleep through any given expedition.

That's how it came to be an interesting twist in his relation to Mister Spock. It wasn't deliberate prank, at least not at first. He wouldn't ever ask such a thing at hand just because he's experiencing some level of discomfort. Especially not from Spock, not because it wouldn't be nice, but because he wouldn't expect from a Vulcan to be ready for any kind of corporal interaction. They seemed like such mental types of men that physical is just annoyance to their way to great intellect.

This was the time Spock himself initiated a new angle in their relationship that was purely platonic and just a tad flirtatious no matter what Bones implied.

"Captain" Spock addressed him formally after he leaned on a tree to support himself. This planet was hard on his back and the pain was increasing as they paced through the forest to get to the city on the other side. "Does something bother you?"

"Why would you think that Mister Spock?" Kirk responded without looking back, he restrained his hand from reaching up and rubbing at his aching muscles.

"It seems to me that you're experiencing problems provoked by this heavy gravitational field. If I can't but notice your state, I would say that your spine is clenching your nerves on your right side of your plexus area."

"You have flawless perception Mister Spock" Kirk smiled looking ahead, there's not much to the end of the forest, he can do it and still look dignified when they arrive to the town's council. "But there's no use in acknowledging things we can't do nothing about. Our dear doctor isn't with us, and I won't have him teleport here because of the kink in my back, he'll never get enough of it. I'll be a slave to his exams and needles for the foreseen future."

"I can help, if you allow me" Spock said calmly. "And we don't have to alarm our doctor about your condition."

Kirk looked back with surprised smile on his face.

"You Spock?" he left out Mister lowering his voice. "What can you do?"

"I can offer physical contact to ease the pain" said Spock with a straight face and Kirk almost chocked on the images his flat tone provoked.

"Physical contact, Spock?" Kirk inquired. "Of what nature?"

"I believe you call it massage, in Vulcan it's a trained skill of maintaining bodily functions on high level. I believe I can adjust pressure to accommodate your fragile Human physique."

"Fragile? Massage?" Kirk couldn't decide from which angle to address this interesting development in Spock's expertise. "I thought that massage would be too mundane thing to a Vulcan. That you're all minds no body."

"The body is the vehicle for the mind, there is no wisdom in keeping vehicle broken, and mind can't tend its thoughts if it has to address needs of the body. That's why body needs to be mend and maintained in the zone of comfort where it doesn't demand unnecessary attention."

"So, you can mend my vehicle so I can think more clearly?" Kirk said with his serious tone like he's clearing up something understandable, but his smile would always ruin his posture. Luckily Spock had a tendency to accept his tone and ignore his face.

"Exactly Captain; that is if you're not uncomfortable with that offer. I know that humans can have strange rules about any kind of physical contact."

"No, no" Kirk turned his back at Spock "fire away, I'm not too attached to that particular pain, although there are kinds of pain that can come in handy."

With that he trailed off because Spock had put his hands on Kirk's back. Kirk had to stifle a moan that tried to escape his lips. Spock's hands were tingling him all around, and when he pressed harder Kirk had to support his weight on a tree.

"Is that too much Captain?" Spock sounded worried.

"No Spock" Kirk shook his head fiercely "dig in there, don't restrain yourself, it's just there…"


	13. The Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shore Leave reached.

As Spock put his hands on Captain's back part of his mind concluded that the offer was a mistake, but Captain displayed clear signs of relief so that conclusion was canceled by benefits it brought to the Captain and his comfort.

Soon he felt that the muscles beneath his fingers are relaxing and that the contact is no longer necessary but his hands strayed a second longer hesitant to break the contact. It was like they have a mind of their own and that they considered the contact to be pleasing in some manner. That was the reason it was a mistake from Spock's side of matters. In a moment he freed his hands from the contact and composed himself.

Spock considered probable futures and where would his seemingly unimportant offer lead. Before he touched the Captain he thought it couldn't be anything that would impact their working relationship. But afterwards it seemed different, like he committed himself in some unexpected ways. He was just to state that it was an exception, which Vulcan's tend to avoid necessity for such favors but then Captain turned to him smiling widely.

"Thank you Mister Spock" he said with his voice low "I feel immensely better, let's greet those locals with all Federation flare."

After that he marched through the woods and Spock considered his own reactions too crude and cautious. After all it was just a small favor that saved his Captain some discomfort.

But of course his predictions were right and Captain kept exhibiting his pain more directly and Spock felt obligated to respond. Even when his fingers would establish that there is no real cause for such discomfort he stayed quiet. It seemed like small price to pay for something that seemed to lift Captain's moral. Maybe it was the fact that he could rely on Spock that made him in lighter mood.

Spock himself decided that he doesn't mind the contact. On contrary there was something primal in that contact that reassured him in his position on the ship. After all he was a stranger among alien species, contact that would be allowed and repeated on his home world weren't practiced by humans, and things they did made him feel uncomfortable. Contact with the Captain came naturally, without need to explain or explore, it was just statement of the body that he wasn't alone.

That was the way things were until that unfortunate incident on the bridge. Till that moment it happened that the Captain always displayed his discomfort when they were alone, but this time he sat in his Captain chair.

"There's a kink in my back" Captain said and Spock looked at his back knowing instantly that it was one of those times Captain didn't suffer any real discomfort so he kept his hands behind his back. It seemed inappropriate to indulge such request for contact on the bridge. It would probably go unnoticed and they would not commented it but then young yeomen stepped in and initiated massage without asking permission.

Spock felt annoyed by her forwardness. Even more annoyed was he when it turned out that Captain can't differentiate between yeomen's hands and Spock's. That's why when Captain started to speak, and it wasn't hard to determine what he's going to say, Spock stepped forward so Captain could see him.

As expected Captain stopped himself in the middle of speaking Spock's name and told yeomen to stop.

They looked at each other. There were no need for words. Captain asked this favor one time too many. It was unclear to Spock why he felt the need to do it on the bridge especially when there were no signs of real pain in his posture. But it was clear that some invisible line was crossed and Captain stopped asking for contact or showing his pain.

At first Spock was just fine with that, but as time passed it felt somehow unsatisfying to keep that kind of distance. That's why Spock himself took lead and just offered his skills any time he would observe that Captain's posture would get stiffed by pain. It was the least he could do for maintaining his Captain's health.


	14. The Secret Medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is some McCoy anger and worry (cause who could distinguish those).

Doctor McCoy was rather suspicious by Captain's new good health. He was too well rested, his muscles weren't tensed. It's not that Doctor wanted for him to be tensed, but the change was too quick. It just happened all of the sudden. McCoy wasn't keen on surprises. He expected of his Captain to get mad at one point. Jim just wasn't the sort of a man to spend a lot of time maintaining his health. Leonard didn't liked mysteries. They bugged him. Poked him from the inside. But this mystery eluded him.

That's why he got Captain to undergo more exams than usual. Soon Jim was tense again and all looked normally stressful. But McCoy wasn't happy not knowing what made him feel better. Not because he was prying bastard, which he was, but because he wanted to bottle the thing and make Jim take it regularly.

Whatever it was it passed before McCoy could catch it.

"You should exercise more" he grunted dissatisfied. "And rest more."

"Yes doctor" said Jim with a smile and McCoy became suspicious.

"You're acting too polite" he said angrily. "Damn it Jim what are you playing. Admit it, you have some new devious plan that entertain you enough not to snap at me. You never withstood so much time in taking test without running away from me."

"Maybe I'm just repentant" Jim smiled on a side. "When you're repentant enough prize just comes your way. I'll try with politeness, sometimes that's all you need."

The glee on Captain's face annoyed McCoy beyond words.

"I'll keep an eye on you" he threatened him. "Don't think in doing something crazy like making our green blooded officer nerve pinch you."

"That's fascinating thing, isn't it" Jim said mildly with a fond smile. "How they just go down like unplugged puppets. I sometimes wonder how it feels like."

"Jim" McCoy said pleadingly now really scare. "Don't you mock me here, I'm really worried by you. When you're calm like this something dangerous comes over you. You forget about fear and danger and just rush in."

"Into what Bones?" Jim tipped his head to aside. "What exactly do you think I'll do? Our Vulcan friend didn't exactly display any sensual interest in anyone, he doesn't show he's noticed anything strange about me. On contrary it seems we are getting along. Are you by any chance jealous of our time together? Do you feel neglected?"

"Me jealous on green blooded, pointy eared computer?" McCoy was appalled, Jim laughed at him and he restrained himself clasping his hands behind his back. "Never, but maybe I'm feeling a bit neglected. When did you last come in for a small refreshment?"

"Refreshment Bones?" Jim asked with humor. "I can't afford those too often, I don't have your stamina."

"Stamina my ass" murmured McCoy.

"What was that Bones?" Jim pretended he didn't hear him.

McCoy just shook his head.

"Oh, go on, and if possible get some of that medicine that made your back ache less" he dismissed him.

Jim laughed out loud and McCoy wasn't in the mood to ask what the joke was. Chapel was sloppy lately, he'll have to find her and yell at her some for misplacing his bottle of Scotch.


	15. A Risk Taker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk is counting scores.

Captain Kirk was somewhat sorry for his lapse at the bridge but that was the price of the play. But he was rewarded for withstanding his penance. Soon enough Spock continued without any comment to relieve Kirk's pain. It was enough and it wasn't.

Spock's hands brought certain kind of energy with them, some real… well pleasure. That could be explained by lifting up his pain but Kirk was more honest to himself. The contact was pleasure and Kirk couldn't help but wonder how it would feel like on bare skin. The hand shake was intensive enough to discourage any less brave man but Captain Kirk was notorious for his inclination towards risks.

His play did develop like a play of chess he led against Spock. He never once gave up on playing against him. Despite his superior intellect Spock had disadvantage before Kirk. He didn't risk it, he played it safe and that made him vulnerable. Kirk had no reserves in using another man's weakness to his advantage. Especially when the advantage would be so fun.

Bones was no fun, he was like crow screeching on his shoulder but Kirk knew Spock better than Bones. Maybe he knew him even better than he knew himself. Being Vulcan made Spock neglect his emotions as non-existent. But Kirk knew they were there. He observed his Vulcan careful enough to notice them glancing around his perfect surface.

And he was perfect, for Kirk he was perfect in every sense of the word. It was silly really but Kirk kept his gaze upon Spock most of the time, it was like his personal window. In space windows were important and window into Spock was a glorious one. You could always find something to admire to. The funny thing was no one else could see what Kirk sees.

Everyone just dismissed him as unemotional, as he advertised himself to be, and stopped looking at him. Kirk on the other side paid attention to every move of his brow. He soon became so in tuned with his expressions that there were no need for words between them but Kirk still used words often. Mostly to poke on his shell, to make him wonder, to make him argue. It was the best fun around.

But it wasn't all fun and games. It was serious and heart wrenching because beside admiration Kirk started to develop certain deeper emotions towards his Vulcan. Those that couldn't be easily met. Sometimes it seemed to him that Spock knew, that he noticed them, but decided to be polite enough to stay quiet about it. Other times he just seemed oblivious.

Like that time they had to evacuate whole city and Kirk had to navigate his full ship towards new planet. Everyone was around him and they kept talking and touching him. Kirk was soon irritated by the noise and the contact trying to stay polite and slowly make his way towards his cabin but there was too many people on the corridor.

"Make way for the Captain" Spock suddenly appeared and shielded him with his body. "The Captain needs to go to a meeting" he was clearing their way and people moved aside as he led Kirk through the corridor but they reached the bigger crowd and Spock put his hand over Kirk's shoulders and navigated with other one towards first door.

He opened them without asking and soon they were alone in someone's dark cabin but Spock still held him by his chest like there is crowd around them to protect Kirk from. Kirk started to breathe heavily. Only scent around was Spock's and for some time Kirk found that scent intoxicating.

"Are you well Captain" Spock spoke up all worried and turned Kirk towards his chest looking all worried to his face.

Kirk lost all his words. They were so close in the dark, alone and Spock held him. Kirk shivered. This was way too dangerous for his heart, too close to losing control.

"You're distressed" said Spock oblivious to his condition. "I'll call Doctor McCoy."

"No" Kirk grabbed him by his forearm. "Don't call him, I'm… fine. I just need some alone time. This crowd was overwhelming we should have taken two rounds."

"You know that was impossible" Spock said with his serious tone still not moving away. "If we left anyone behind they would be killed Captain, you made a logical choice."

"Logical Spock" Kirk's voice was now husky his control was maintained by mere certainty that Spock would nerve pinch him if he tries anything. Bones was right about that. "Since when do you find my decision logical? You flatter me."

"Well" Spock straightened himself up but didn't let go, on contrary his grip on Kirk's shoulder became firmer, Kirk feared he'll nerve pinch him anyway. "For a human you do tend to make good decisions, which makes you a good Captain. I wouldn't serve you if you weren't logical, as a human can be logical."

"That's… very flattering Mister Spock, I'll keep in mind that I must remain logical for you to serve me" his mind played tricks on him but he kept himself stead. Spock was Spock, he simply forgot how close they were, and Kirk wasn't willing to back away, it was some pleasure in the restraining his instincts to stay still.

"No Captain" Spock frowned leaning his head sideways like when he's solving a hard puzzle and all Kirk could think of was how he could just slip his arms around his waist and pull him near. "I did pledge to serve you and I will."

Kirk sighed heavily restraining his tongue but his hand did escape him touching Spock's hand on his shoulder it was somehow endearing that Spock could stand so near to him and not notice the condition Kirk was in.

"That's very nice of you Spock" he said and Spock didn't withdrew his hand. "I'll keep that in mind, it's important to me to have your support."

"I am your first officer" said Spock flatly and Kirk wondered again how he can just miss out all the passion. Kirk would restrain himself before others but here there were no witnesses and Spock seemed so oblivious that it was endearing.

"I'll hug you now" said Kirk knowing he can't just pass on this chance of closeness he did need a hug.

"Hug Captain?" Spock asked like it was something unseen.

"Yes, deal with it" Kirk said and just put his arms around his back hugging him tightly. Spock just stood there awkwardly but Kirk didn't let go. This play of his was a dangerous one and Kirk wasn't sure he was still playing it. It seemed real as he hugged Spock. There were no need for more, just mere presence of Spock was enough to make any day better and Kirk should have been worried about that but Kirk just wasn't that kind of a person. He decided to roll with it, whatever it was and wherever it takes him.

"For how long I have to deal with it?" asked Spock finally and Kirk laughed out loud moving away. Spock was sometimes like a child and it was cruel to mess with him too much so Kirk let go and moved away.

"Thank you my fist officer" he said formally. "I was your lady in distress and you were a gentleman towards me. I relieve you of your duty. I'll be fine, carry on with your duty."

Spock nodded and went towards the door there he paused.

"But weren't you going somewhere?" Spock sounded worried.

"I was, to rest in my quarters but I'll take few seconds of solitude here and be fine. It was just too noisy out there" Kirk pressed his temple that still ached.

"Noted" Spock said and exited.

In solitude Kirk laughed out loud.

"The joke is on me" he said loudly.

Spock did get to him without even knowing it but Kirk will continue with his game. It was too fun to chicken out just because of few emotions, besides he never cared for the outcome, he cared only for the play. One day he would be all cocky and felt he was winning, and other one, like this one, he would think he's losing and he should give up.

But there were moments that told him Spock is playing too. Although he was too Vulcan to notice moments like this one there were other moments where he seemed more than playful.

Like when they were having their daily exercise fighting in the gym. Kirk enjoyed their duels and he did his best but with his strength Spock didn't have to put a lot of effort into overpowering Kirk. More so he let him win often enough. But in their last duel Kirk pulled unexpected stunt and threw Spock out of balance. That provoked competition in the Vulcan and he put an effort into their fight quickly pinning Kirk to the ground.

"You don't mean to strangle me for real?" Kirk joked but it took a moment for Spock to come around. He breathed heavily but when he pulled out he looked ashamed. Kirk couldn't find another word for it but shame. Spock withdrew quickly but the whole following day he looked like pouting not looking at Kirk at all.

That lack of contact made Kirk aware just how involved two of them got, how often his eyes darted in Spock's direction. It was a dangerous play but Kirk like it that way. Besides what was life without a strip of adrenaline?


	16. Submitting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Amok time.

Spock was too comfortable around his Captain. He was too relaxed and it was beginning to be dangerous for both of them. Spock could feel his blood thrust against his veins but he wasn't ready to admit what it means. Every time Captain would came in too near, every time he smiled, when he looked at him Spock's blood would come an inch closer to boiling. That was dangerous at least, deathly if it continues. But Spock wasn't the master of his body anymore. He was ready to die before he would admit the state he was in.

He wasn't ready to ask for help. He knew where help was, on Vulcan with his respectable bond mate that will be his for all of their lives. He wasn't ready for that, he wasn't ready for stepping out of the ship and leaving his Captain, to live a Vulcan life where he would be a mere logic Vulcan like his mother didn't shape him.

That was all Captain's doing, and Spock let him do it. Captain discredited all that was Vulcan, he made logic cold and crude, his warmth made everything else less real. But Spock shouldn't think of his Captain's smile because that would make everything move towards Plack Tow. For now he was withstanding its call standing tall and still, keeping his hands behind his back not letting them surge towards Jim.

When he would say his name that was the time for meditation, for deep calmness but in the midst of it there he was smiling, shining like a sun. Spock crushed yet another pen in his hand. He can master this, he won't be a slave to his own desires. It shouldn't be like this anyway, Plack Tow should be invited in when the time is right, not to be triggered on its own.

That's why he was hoping, such human emotion, but he did submit to it, he hoped that he'll be able to keep Plack Tow away, but of course he was wrong. He was always wrong when he would let his human side lead.

Of course his Captain noticed his condition examining him at his quarters coming in too near. It was mere show of strength that Spock didn't jump on him and tried to either to strangle him or to dominate him. It was love that he was able to restrain himself. His Vulcan would just take what he needs to keep on living. It was logical but it was illogical to take into that kind of a bond someone that wasn't Vulcan. Although his father did that with his mother, he never asked how. Maybe he was too stranded in the middle of nowhere and logically chose the one most suitable for Plack Tow, the one that would submit to him.

He would never make his Captain submit like that, not just to save his life, it wasn't the sacrifice that was justified. Of course his Captain was a resourceful and defiant human and he did bring him to Vulcan to his Plack Tow. Spock whished he didn't. He had no desire to participate in this savage side of Vulcan's life, the price for logic. Spock always hoped he'll be spared, that his human side will prevail in the matters of breeding.

When he met his bond mate he discovered that she didn't desired him either. That wasn't a surprise but he was already too deep in Plack Tow to care about it. All he thought about was his opponent. He viciously wanted his death, he wanted to dominate him, to devour him, to own him, to get inside of him. He fought and other one resisted but more he resisted the more he wanted to crush him, to take him near, to strangle him, to straddle him, he wanted to own every inch of him. And he did just that he squeezed the life out of him and it was such a thrill such release, such pleasure to watch him give in, submit, but then he went numb under his hands and Spock woke up just to see his Captain dying.

That made all throbbing of his blood to stop. There was no reason to fight anymore, no reason to live, no reason to persist. He said goodbye to his bond mate and went to his ship to submit himself for a trial hoping they'll convict him to death.

And just then he pranced out behind him smiling like he always did, broad and beautiful.

"Jim!" he shouted and grabbed his Captain just to receive joyful laughter in return.

Spock quickly regained himself while Doctor McCoy mocked him and knew everything was alright. Spock was grateful to the old Doctor McCoy for his trick that save them all allot of grief but he wasn't the one to admit to him that he was from now on bonded to their Captain. Jim fought with him and died for him and from now on he was his bond mate for life. That made Spock calm because there was no need for greater affirmation than death to make their bond a stabilized one. Even the Captain won't have to find out that it's there.


End file.
